Monday, August 02, 2010

Synesthesia #1: Charlie St. Cloud (New Column!)



Welcome to the first installment of SYNESTHESIA,
in which DJ Fiona Hanly does a close-read of upcoming movie trailers, evaluating them based on (what else?) but the soundtrack. Better make those two minutes count, people who make movie trailers!

"Charlie St. Cloud" Trailer



Here's a look at the music used in the
Charlie St. Cloud trailer, which is otherwise rubbish as it is compiled of scenes cut from a rubbish film.There are so many reasons that this will be the worst movie of all time, and this is only a two-and-a-half minute preview of them. Boo, Charlie St. Cloud!

First up, we have Electric Owls with "Magic Show." For anyone who missed it, this song was on
Urban Outfitters compilation LSTN#3. It's lighthearted and poppy and acoustic guitars and xylophones and fun, appropriate for the thirty seconds in the movie in which we, the audience, will think Zac Efron's life is rife with sailing, baseball, and really intense blue eyes.

Plot twist! Car crash! (Everyone was surprised). Cue one of my personal favorite songs of all time, The National's "
So Far Around the Bend." Apparently Zac Efron's startlingly blue-eyed character heads down the rabbit hole after the death of his equally blue-eyed baby brother. The National's song is perfect for the plot turn. I hate to say it, but "nobody knows where you are livin' / nobody knows where you are / you're so far around the bend" are perfect lyrics to describe this vein of character development. Nobody knows what Ol' Sky Eyes is going through, nobody. Nobody knows where to find his beautiful, albeit lost soul.

Except the girl! (Everyone was surprised, again). And now we cue Snow Patrol's mediocre "
Run." I hate Snow Patrol, and as a side effect of this bias I suddenly become disinterested in the trailer. From what I can remember while not paying attention: Zac Efron falls in love, something else about the girl sailing around the world and getting lost, Zac Efron dives into the ocean, Zac Efron is ridiculous and not to be taken seriously. Barf end to a decent trailer audio-wise about a terrible movie nobody will like because it will be The Worst.

Final Evaluation: 2/3. Well done, movie industry. But your clever use of a mainly obscure band employed by a trendy clothing store to sell trendy clothes and accessories, even combined with your use of a well-respected and appropriately-lauded indie rock band--they still won't get the people who either wear those clothes or listen to those albums to your theaters. Maybe if the movie was going to turn out like this, but only maybe.

Next Week's Preview: Will I be able to get over my hatred for the insipid Julia Roberts if the trailer for her new movie uses Florence + the Machine?!

-- Fiona Hanly

290 comments:

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Caroline said...

this trailer is laughable, yes. and this column is gonna be great. but "ol' sky eyes," fiona? did you turn into my grandfather?

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